Tiruvannamalai’s ashram district is a bubble keeping devotees safe from most of the rigors of India. Once in the flow there I found it was much like being in an adult summer camp of spirituality. I woke up every morning to watch the peacocks dance outside my balcony. Then by 9:30am I was seated in a small hall jam packed with cross legged meditators for Shanti Ma’s blessing at Shiva Shakti. Afterwards was breakfast which usually correlated with conversations with other travelers over fried eggs, toast and milk coffee. The afternoons were like free time for walks around Mt. Arunachal, visits to the temples in town or siestas in one’s room. Interspersed through the day were chai breaks which also correlated with more deep conversations with travelers. If needing more blessings you could opt for an additional afternoon Shiva Shakti at 5pm. Afterward is the 6:30pm singing mantra chanting in the big hall of the main ashram. Topping it off with dinner at the buffet restaurant.
I really looked forward to the shiva shakti and evening singing. They were both so peaceful and grounding for me. Sometimes I’d really meditate and get clarity and peace. Other times I was just chillin amongst the pack as a spectator, watching people’s elated expressions, for example when bowing as Shanti Ma entered the shiva shakti hall.
This guru woman is a trip. She is short and dressed in a fabric that almost matches her skin color and walks at a very slow shuffle. Her hand movements are almost imperceptible and her glassy eyes at times reach mine and give me that shakti jolt while all the while her smile stays in place; not like a happy grin…more like a contented peaceful half-smile. She paused briefly in her shuffle through the room to bring that slow motion blessing to each of the 70+ people in the hall. It was very calming and I saw her as this conduit of spirit sharing its love to the group. I was really into it in the sense that I felt so relaxed and at peace at the end of the hour.
Inevitably my scrutinizing side reared its head on occasion and I wondered what Shanti Ma is like when not in this blessing trance state during her twice daily Shiva Shakti. Does she also shuffle around her apartment with that trance-like gaze during her off time? Or does she ever crank the bollywood tunes and dance around in front of her mirror? Thoughts like this always brought a grin to my face, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing because it made me appear almost in the elated worshipping stance like many of my cross legged neighbors in the hall.
When I first arrived to Tiru I was trying to figure it all out and work all these teachings into my life. I quickly realized that there is no one belief system or following here, but a collection of several. So there was no single teaching I could focus on. I didn’t know the rules or what I am supposed to do or where I was supposed to go. So, in the end, I just created my own. As usual. And once I realized this I don’t know why I initially thought I was going to get some ONE answer here because I already understand that I am the ultimate source of guidance…me and my intuitive connected dance with spirit.
I really looked forward to the shiva shakti and evening singing. They were both so peaceful and grounding for me. Sometimes I’d really meditate and get clarity and peace. Other times I was just chillin amongst the pack as a spectator, watching people’s elated expressions, for example when bowing as Shanti Ma entered the shiva shakti hall.
This guru woman is a trip. She is short and dressed in a fabric that almost matches her skin color and walks at a very slow shuffle. Her hand movements are almost imperceptible and her glassy eyes at times reach mine and give me that shakti jolt while all the while her smile stays in place; not like a happy grin…more like a contented peaceful half-smile. She paused briefly in her shuffle through the room to bring that slow motion blessing to each of the 70+ people in the hall. It was very calming and I saw her as this conduit of spirit sharing its love to the group. I was really into it in the sense that I felt so relaxed and at peace at the end of the hour.
Inevitably my scrutinizing side reared its head on occasion and I wondered what Shanti Ma is like when not in this blessing trance state during her twice daily Shiva Shakti. Does she also shuffle around her apartment with that trance-like gaze during her off time? Or does she ever crank the bollywood tunes and dance around in front of her mirror? Thoughts like this always brought a grin to my face, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing because it made me appear almost in the elated worshipping stance like many of my cross legged neighbors in the hall.
When I first arrived to Tiru I was trying to figure it all out and work all these teachings into my life. I quickly realized that there is no one belief system or following here, but a collection of several. So there was no single teaching I could focus on. I didn’t know the rules or what I am supposed to do or where I was supposed to go. So, in the end, I just created my own. As usual. And once I realized this I don’t know why I initially thought I was going to get some ONE answer here because I already understand that I am the ultimate source of guidance…me and my intuitive connected dance with spirit.
It seems like anything goes here. If you would like to be a guru…YOU CAN! Just come to Tiru and print up fliers and post them in all the restaurants in the ashram bubble and host gatherings. Join the Jamaicans, French, Germans, Israelis, etc and host a “Satsang with Meenu”, “Enlightenment NOW! with Jackie and Frederique” or “Chakra Balancing Dance with Ranjii” etc. And if you have some pertinence in your message and teachings there is a good chance you will have a following.
Wow I am sure that I am coming off sooooo skeptical. Let me clarify. I believe most of these gatherings and teachings have huge offerings and pertinence, but I am also realizing that you do not have to be a 68 year old man from a holy town in Madhya Pradesh wearing a modest white longi and a turban to be a guru.
The more I check out spiritual centers in the world the more I realize that I am not a religious person.
Don’t get me wrong though. I am accepting the dance and swirling in a constant relationship with a more high spirituality than I can fully grasp. But that doesn’t mean I am religious. When I am in any religion’s church, temple, cathedral, hall, under a sacred tree or whatever the religious gathering spot is I have the same feeling at them all: I absorb the power and peace of the high vibration of spirit. At the same time however, nothing is compelling me to stand up, chant the mantra, sip the fluid, eat the offering, sing the song, bow my head to the floor and press my hands together in time with an amen “do-si-do”. These expected rituals that formulate the proof of devotion never resonate with me. I know my relationship with spirit and you and any religion cannot tell me how to do it. Nor do I need to prove it to anyone.
Even still, during a meditation session, I wonder if people take quick peeps around the room to see me sitting there, fidgeting often and with eyes open, watching the process. And perhaps they may also notice that I don’t stand up when 98% of the people are standing up. Obviously I don’t care too much what they think or else I could easily avoid the perceived scrutiny by going through the motions.
But in life, I also don’t applaud to performances that don’t move me, nor do I know the specific names of trees and flowers that I find beautiful nor do I always remember names of people with whom I have had enormous connections. I do however know and appreciate how I feel in response to them.
And I do not have a religion per se. Well, I do, but it is *my* religion. And it is one that is in constant flux and evolution aligned with myself as I am exposed to the amazing teachings and inspirations that touch me. I am a constant seeker of religion since they host inspiration for me while at the same time denying it in its entirety as my own spiritual path.
* * *
I left Tiru yesterday. I was feeling really ready for a new atmosphere even as I had flourished in the offerings of the bubble. One 3 ½ hour local bus ride through gorgeous Tamil Nadu scenery delivered me to the coastal town of Pondicherry. I was a bit concerned about getting affordable accommodation in this upscale destination for wealthy European travelers and was stoked to find an amazing room within my budget. Things were flowing perfectly! And as I filled out the register at Surya Swastika Guest House I reached in my bag’s special little zippered passport pocket so I could fill in that inevitable visa # blank on the registry form…and found the pocket empty.
Oh
My
God
It’s hard to describe the feeling of being in another country without that umbilical cord of one’s passport. I felt a panic wash over me as I scanned my memory files in my pea-brain to remember where it could be, bypassing any suspicion of theft. I wanted to ask my mommy for help but quickly remembered that I am an adult now and that I am here in India alone. And there is no one to reach out for help except within myself. And somehow I got the strength to remain calm and suck it up and gitterDUN!
Unable to find the telephone number of the business where I had exchanged a traveler’s check the previous day I went on total faith in my gut feeling that my passport WOULD be there. So I immediately hired a taxi for a roundtrip ride back to Tiru. Jeez I never do this…I always travel by local bus and will occasionally splurge on tourist overnight AC busses. But one hour after the scary discovery of my passport missing I deemed this situation worth a splurge and was riding in one of those old timey looking white Bentley-type private cars through the fertile rice fields and boulder strewn horizon back to Tiru. In conflict with the first half of this missive I found myself praying to Jesus that my passport was still there.
And it was.
So yesterday was interesting. I spent all day in transit back and forth between Tiruvannamalai and Pondicherry and other than some worry about the situation of my passport (which faded as I relaxed into the taxi ride and gorgeous scenery) I was sort of ok with how my day became devoted to transport & recovery. Which is weird because if this happened at home (or if on a two week vacation) the one day “wasted” would have pissed me off totally. Yet I was so calm and at peace in the entire day devoted to mending the results of my oversight.
Today I spent the day wandering throughout Pondicherry, which is a French influenced east coastal town. It is quaint to be sure and I highly recommend it. But it’s not the kind of place I feel like spending a lot of time in. So after one full day here I leave tomorrow. Adieu & bon voyage!
Tiruvannamalai http://www.flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157603843573119/
Pondicherry http://www.flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157603867839449/
1 comment:
AH! This posting completely resonated with me. I'll email you later. I'm off to school now. Today, we're reviewing the geographical areas of India- go figure.
P.S. You know the verification word that one has to type on order to make their comments "non-spammy?" The word below is fun. I'm going to use it in a sentence today: upilxsoo. "you-pilx-zoo"
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