Saturday, February 23, 2008

I made it! ... a L I V E ~ *


Sometimes in the moment I am not aware of the teachings.
What is this experience handing me to walk away with?
What will I bring away with me?

I was wondering these questions a lot while I was in the south of India.
Questioning the light in each moment is not always as intense when in those good moments. But in the less enjoyable ones I wonder to myself “ok, what is it? What about this is necessary for my path? Hmm…?”
Sometimes only a day later, and other times years, I reach a point, the light comes on…and I smile and sometimes laugh because I see how fucking fun life is with how things come around and how things needed to happen to get me here. And finally those low points shed light on the “why?” and “what am I doing here?” questions I once had.

Less than a week ago I reached a point where I decided I was finished with the south for this trip. I was very ready to get back to one of my 5 true comfort zones (2nd homes) that are here in India. I had the plans set after the backwaters to spend a short 18 hours in Kochi, just enough time for basic sightseeing, covering all the bases, eating and resting…and then off I go.
And then funny life played one of those tricks on me with a snafu on my departure date: All of Kerala had a scheduled strike of all vehicular traffic. My rescheduled ticket to bypass this bump would keep me in Kochi for 3 more days before fleeing north.
So this dance with this prankster life took a twirl and instead of sitting this one out and pouting I looked it in the face and said “ok, show me”.
Flowing

I ended up really enjoying my entire time in Kochi!
And had amazing walks in a sophisticated urban Keralan city of Ernakulum and then a short ferry ride across the harbor to visit the touristy area of Fort Cochin. It was a perfect setup for me because I was able to have both: India AND a tourist area. Yay. I thought it was funny how many people staying in the touristy Fort Cochin seemed shocked that I chose to stay in Ernakulum and that I actually enjoyed staying there.
Different strokes

So thank you, life, for putting me in my place and giving this gift of a balancing time in Kochi.

But then the day came and I, ahhhhhhhh, arrived back to Arambol.
Immediately my energy shifted and I was such a bright light again…so shining…and so freeking great to see all the friends I have established from many seasons here. It was like coming home.

And now that I feel the way I feel now, compared to a more intense, self conscious, shy and ambivalent me who was here upon arrival just days before new year’s eve…I am here now with new light bestowed by the trails and bumps in the past weeks…moving through Karnataka, Tamil Nadu and Kerala…all in a matter of 6+ weeks. WHEW! Jeez I covered a lot of ground!...for me, that is. Everyone travels differently in India. Everyone has different objectives, paces, interests and paths. I have decided that I am now closing the chapter on the moving quickly and hopping around. It is exhausting, plus right here in Arambol is my family. Our living room is Arkan Bar and the tables sit 20 so we all sit together for meals, beers, conversations and smokes.

I really needed the past 6 weeks. Actually I should say 4 weeks, because Gokarna was the same feeling as here for me.
So 4 weeks of…making me strong, giving me muscle, being alone, dancing with life…

I got the most amazing room. Oh wow. Actually my timing to return to Arambol is so perfect. All the holiday riff-raff is over, the tourists are gone mostly and now it’s down to the core…the real travelers…the hippies…and as the conservative London chap described to me while in an Ernakulum dhaba: the people who look like circus performers. Yep. My people.
Anyway, since so many people are beginning to head north on the backpacker route following the sun of the shifting seasons…my amazing room became free. It is a house standing alone, only two rooms, one for me and one for Klause, the older man who is beginning a 3 week intensive advanced yoga course at the place where I quit. Ha ha…funny to think about that now. we each have our own “apartment” but we share this killer front porch.
So here now I sit on my front porch with my laptop…semi-hidden from the occasional passerby through the field of the tiny white chapel…looking out to the left however is the beach and the Hindu temple.
My first day back here I was reunited with Nijiko AGAIN. Such a lovely angel gracing my travels…love her sweetness so much. And now there is a third, lovely Andrea from Barcelona. The three of us, all 5’ 10”+, in different colorings and cultures take to the streets and I feel like we’ve got this Charlie’s Angels goddess power. It’s fucking cool. Anyway, it’s just so fun to have amazing goddess energy to kick it with here in Arambol.

Kochi http://www.flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157603951293691/
Arambol (in progress) http://www.flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157603964859908/

Monday, February 18, 2008

the changing face of a tourist trap


Things turned around for me in the past week thankfully as far as having people to hang out with.

I spent my final night in Kanyakumari with a super fun group of all solo travelers. That is the best! I love meeting groups of people who traveled alone from home and who hang in groups that have evolved along the way.

On Valentine’s Day I arrived to Varkala which is one of the nicer beaches in Kerala. The natural beauty of the red cliffs looming over the sand and surf were gorgeous. The tourism that was densely packed atop these cliffs really put me off. I have no problem with destinations that have a large quantity of foreigners who are more there to party than to get that traveling interaction with other culture. I am tolerant of this sort of scene because it fulfills a need for me when I need to take a break from the travels. But the particular Varkala tourist niche is not MY scene. The restaurants play music like Jack Johnson, the layout does not have a thoughtful urban planning with buildings stacked up against each other…and then there are the tourists. These just aren’t my kind of people. These are folks who prefer to be safely distanced from interacting with the culture of the country they are visiting. If you take a look at the photos from Varkala you cannot really see any signs of what country they take place in.

The two best parts of Varkala are the natural beauty of thick coconut tree forests and the red cliffs. And the other was my guesthouse. Somehow I lucked out and found a budget gem back behind the throngs of up-market rooms butting up to the cliffs. Nice travelers stayed there…people unlike the generic tourist-folk strolling along the cliff who I cannot imagine would ever be found sitting on a local bus or at a street side chai shop munching on a crunchy samosa from a nearby cart.

Anyway, I just wasn’t feeling this place so I felt strongly about leaving after only one night.

And I woke up to the sound of the guesthouse mama showing a room to a new arriving backpacker. I poked my head out my door and said that I would be leaving today so my room can also be available to take. But instantly I caught a glance of the man with the backpack and an overnight train ride scruffy appearance and mere seconds into my announcement I realized…I wasn’t leaving anywhere. This smiling hottie’s eyes met mine and I saw this was worth sticking around for…

Anyway, Georg, my new next door neighbor and I were inseparable from then onward. And suddenly Varkala was much more enjoyable and all those things that bothered me before about this tourist trap seemed to fade into oblivion. Georg and I had a rapport that was a natural flow of fun, including our mutual appreciation of this corny tourism scene here and making fun of it while reveling in its offerings.

We left Varkala together to head north for a canoe trip through Kerala’s backwaters. At the end of the day, despite the new location, our chemistry proved to last and we had a blast together.

And no matter how awesome or hot and heavy it had been and had increased to, it suddenly came to a screeching halt

After realizing he felt conflicted Georg decided to inform me that this cannot go forward he has a girlfriend at home.

Hmmm… uh-huh. I see.

How did I feel at the moment of getting this information, you may ask?

Well, have you ever been walking down the street, or in the park or the shopping mall and from far away some person “recognizes” you and shouts out and waves? And even though you don’t recognize this person you match their enthusiasm and give a wave in reply. Then suddenly this person gets a better look and realizes that he/she actually doesn’t know you at all and had mistaken you for someone he/she really does know and like. And since you are not that person, the waving hand drops, the smile disappears and they walk the other way. And you are left there with a goofy grin and feeling like a horses ass.

Well,

That’s kind of how I feel.

Maybe I’m making a bigger deal out of this than I should.

I guess I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it if the connection and chemistry wasn’t true.

But it was there.

I guess I don’t expect this kind of thing to happen to me because I give the benefit of the doubt that people will have the integrity to fix a problem in their current relationship…or to leave the relationship altogether before reaching out for the temptation that exists as an indicator of something missing in the current relationship.

Anyway, I guess this little blip on my road is temporarily a tough one for me to move on from because this amazing friendship I had with Georg was coming right after a period of feeling pretty lonely. And then to have it end up like this is…well, it’s a drag.

And luckily a drag ain’t so bad…

And there’s always tomorrow.

Kanyakumari http://www.flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157603902240718/

Varkala http://www.flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157603934536761/

Backwaters http://www.flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157603934710919/

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

which way to have it all?


Every time I come to India I seem to have a trend of spending February blazing trails by myself and away from the rest of the tourists and backpackers. It's a time that usually follows a month of the beach scene of Goa/Gokarna which lack of the authentic cultural immersion given by the villages and destinations I have visited this past month.

Sure there are other foreigners in the places that I've been but sparsely so. Plus the layout of the places I got to don't have backpacker chill zones where i can acquaint new friends.
Ultimately i reach a point where i get lonely.
I'm having fun, no doubt...but i am missing out on conversation, company and camaraderie. I do meet lots of friendly local people but our lack of common language keeps us at a level of interaction that makes me yen for more.
Lately I've been reaching out with online interaction to feed my needs...which has been somewhat helpful.
But now the itinerary swimming in my head is starting to take new shape because I need to work in some spots so I am assured to meet some like minded travelers.

but then i have to wonder where that line is...
the one, that line, that i am always at conflict with
when i need to bend a little from MY path so i can be with others.
i often question myself with that big fat MY...ME...I...
and then when alone and lonely i can now look right at that big fat MY...ME...I...to know why:
perhaps i should be more about the we and the us
so i can not feel so alone.

BUT
you know there always is that fat but sticking in there...
i also feel like if i am totally pursuing what *I* want to do so then i attract to me the people who also share this path
still, i am often alone

so which one is it?
or if neither,
then WHAT ?

plus i just don't know if i can handle the we the us the together
because sometimes i have it
and i leave it

duh

anyway, I'm working on it


today i arrived to a new spot that is a sweet mix of half foreigner and half domestic tourism. I ate dinner at a restaurant that was 100% foreigners for a delicious meal that cost double the amount it cost for my 10 hour local bus ride that delivered me here this evening.

As for my dinner experience, it was "ok".
Then after dinner i wandered out and enjoyed finally seeing Hindi signs for the first time in a month and practisced reading...and ultimately engaged in fun conversation with some Rajasthani restauranteurs in Hindi.


I am so torn.
Authentic cultural travel vs. the backpacker "scene"
Can't i have both?

i know i can
but i haven't had a taste of both chutnies on the same chapati in a long time


Here are the amazing sights from Rameswaram:
http://flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157603885524585/

Saturday, February 09, 2008

loving Madurai


i'm in a room so sketchy that i feel like a contestant on "Fear Factor"
hooray for a bargain

I've also come full face with the resilience of 6" long Indian cockroaches
smacked the bloody hell out of the one by my sink
twice
both times it got up and walked 10 minutes after the throttling
seriously...there was juicy guts and mangled legs
and the fucker still got up and walking into the gaping hole in the wall

anyway
Madurai seriously kicks ass
a new addition in my favorites list of india

was at a loss of what to do after dinner tonight
while drinking a chai on a busy street a few blocks outside of the tourist hotel region i saw a white cow walking down a busy city street more briskly than the usual gait of cows. so i decided to follow it.
i ended up on a street corner sitting on a raised cement block where i was partially hidden by a pole.
it was freakin great to be a fly on the wall to see a night in the life of Madurai's old town district.

my favorite image from this evening was the group of ~7 men transfixed on the tv screens in the showroom window of an electronics store that were showing close up animal video of baby bears licking each other

here are the images from today that i caught with my camera

seriously i could just take photos forever in madurai
eventually i just had to set down the camera and enjoy
and have faith my memory will capture the remaining gems

Thursday, February 07, 2008

rah rah! i've got spirit yes i do!






Tiruvannamalai’s ashram district is a bubble keeping devotees safe from most of the rigors of India. Once in the flow there I found it was much like being in an adult summer camp of spirituality. I woke up every morning to watch the peacocks dance outside my balcony. Then by 9:30am I was seated in a small hall jam packed with cross legged meditators for Shanti Ma’s blessing at Shiva Shakti. Afterwards was breakfast which usually correlated with conversations with other travelers over fried eggs, toast and milk coffee. The afternoons were like free time for walks around Mt. Arunachal, visits to the temples in town or siestas in one’s room. Interspersed through the day were chai breaks which also correlated with more deep conversations with travelers. If needing more blessings you could opt for an additional afternoon Shiva Shakti at 5pm. Afterward is the 6:30pm singing mantra chanting in the big hall of the main ashram. Topping it off with dinner at the buffet restaurant.

I really looked forward to the shiva shakti and evening singing. They were both so peaceful and grounding for me. Sometimes I’d really meditate and get clarity and peace. Other times I was just chillin amongst the pack as a spectator, watching people’s elated expressions, for example when bowing as Shanti Ma entered the shiva shakti hall.
This guru woman is a trip. She is short and dressed in a fabric that almost matches her skin color and walks at a very slow shuffle. Her hand movements are almost imperceptible and her glassy eyes at times reach mine and give me that shakti jolt while all the while her smile stays in place; not like a happy grin…more like a contented peaceful half-smile. She paused briefly in her shuffle through the room to bring that slow motion blessing to each of the 70+ people in the hall. It was very calming and I saw her as this conduit of spirit sharing its love to the group. I was really into it in the sense that I felt so relaxed and at peace at the end of the hour.

Inevitably my scrutinizing side reared its head on occasion and I wondered what Shanti Ma is like when not in this blessing trance state during her twice daily Shiva Shakti. Does she also shuffle around her apartment with that trance-like gaze during her off time? Or does she ever crank the bollywood tunes and dance around in front of her mirror? Thoughts like this always brought a grin to my face, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing because it made me appear almost in the elated worshipping stance like many of my cross legged neighbors in the hall.

When I first arrived to Tiru I was trying to figure it all out and work all these teachings into my life. I quickly realized that there is no one belief system or following here, but a collection of several. So there was no single teaching I could focus on. I didn’t know the rules or what I am supposed to do or where I was supposed to go. So, in the end, I just created my own. As usual. And once I realized this I don’t know why I initially thought I was going to get some ONE answer here because I already understand that I am the ultimate source of guidance…me and my intuitive connected dance with spirit.



It seems like anything goes here. If you would like to be a guru…YOU CAN! Just come to Tiru and print up fliers and post them in all the restaurants in the ashram bubble and host gatherings. Join the Jamaicans, French, Germans, Israelis, etc and host a “Satsang with Meenu”, “Enlightenment NOW! with Jackie and Frederique” or “Chakra Balancing Dance with Ranjii” etc. And if you have some pertinence in your message and teachings there is a good chance you will have a following.
Wow I am sure that I am coming off sooooo skeptical. Let me clarify. I believe most of these gatherings and teachings have huge offerings and pertinence, but I am also realizing that you do not have to be a 68 year old man from a holy town in Madhya Pradesh wearing a modest white longi and a turban to be a guru.


The more I check out spiritual centers in the world the more I realize that I am not a religious person.

Don’t get me wrong though. I am accepting the dance and swirling in a constant relationship with a more high spirituality than I can fully grasp. But that doesn’t mean I am religious. When I am in any religion’s church, temple, cathedral, hall, under a sacred tree or whatever the religious gathering spot is I have the same feeling at them all: I absorb the power and peace of the high vibration of spirit. At the same time however, nothing is compelling me to stand up, chant the mantra, sip the fluid, eat the offering, sing the song, bow my head to the floor and press my hands together in time with an amen “do-si-do”. These expected rituals that formulate the proof of devotion never resonate with me. I know my relationship with spirit and you and any religion cannot tell me how to do it. Nor do I need to prove it to anyone.

Even still, during a meditation session, I wonder if people take quick peeps around the room to see me sitting there, fidgeting often and with eyes open, watching the process. And perhaps they may also notice that I don’t stand up when 98% of the people are standing up. Obviously I don’t care too much what they think or else I could easily avoid the perceived scrutiny by going through the motions.

But in life, I also don’t applaud to performances that don’t move me, nor do I know the specific names of trees and flowers that I find beautiful nor do I always remember names of people with whom I have had enormous connections. I do however know and appreciate how I feel in response to them.
And I do not have a religion per se. Well, I do, but it is *my* religion. And it is one that is in constant flux and evolution aligned with myself as I am exposed to the amazing teachings and inspirations that touch me. I am a constant seeker of religion since they host inspiration for me while at the same time denying it in its entirety as my own spiritual path.
* * *



I left Tiru yesterday. I was feeling really ready for a new atmosphere even as I had flourished in the offerings of the bubble. One 3 ½ hour local bus ride through gorgeous Tamil Nadu scenery delivered me to the coastal town of Pondicherry. I was a bit concerned about getting affordable accommodation in this upscale destination for wealthy European travelers and was stoked to find an amazing room within my budget. Things were flowing perfectly! And as I filled out the register at Surya Swastika Guest House I reached in my bag’s special little zippered passport pocket so I could fill in that inevitable visa # blank on the registry form…and found the pocket empty.
Oh
My
God
It’s hard to describe the feeling of being in another country without that umbilical cord of one’s passport. I felt a panic wash over me as I scanned my memory files in my pea-brain to remember where it could be, bypassing any suspicion of theft. I wanted to ask my mommy for help but quickly remembered that I am an adult now and that I am here in India alone. And there is no one to reach out for help except within myself. And somehow I got the strength to remain calm and suck it up and gitterDUN!
Unable to find the telephone number of the business where I had exchanged a traveler’s check the previous day I went on total faith in my gut feeling that my passport WOULD be there. So I immediately hired a taxi for a roundtrip ride back to Tiru. Jeez I never do this…I always travel by local bus and will occasionally splurge on tourist overnight AC busses. But one hour after the scary discovery of my passport missing I deemed this situation worth a splurge and was riding in one of those old timey looking white Bentley-type private cars through the fertile rice fields and boulder strewn horizon back to Tiru. In conflict with the first half of this missive I found myself praying to Jesus that my passport was still there.

And it was.
So yesterday was interesting. I spent all day in transit back and forth between Tiruvannamalai and Pondicherry and other than some worry about the situation of my passport (which faded as I relaxed into the taxi ride and gorgeous scenery) I was sort of ok with how my day became devoted to transport & recovery. Which is weird because if this happened at home (or if on a two week vacation) the one day “wasted” would have pissed me off totally. Yet I was so calm and at peace in the entire day devoted to mending the results of my oversight.


Today I spent the day wandering throughout Pondicherry, which is a French influenced east coastal town. It is quaint to be sure and I highly recommend it. But it’s not the kind of place I feel like spending a lot of time in. So after one full day here I leave tomorrow. Adieu & bon voyage!

Tiruvannamalai http://www.flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157603843573119/
Pondicherry http://www.flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157603867839449/

Saturday, February 02, 2008

discerning the blocks from the fear


As usual, one month into the trip I feel I have reached a state where I am less affected by the attachments to the unnecessaries of my life in the USA. The things that I am aware of while at home as being the filter of fog to prevent me to seeing more clearly the signs of direction.

It’s been one week of seemingly inconsequential destinations

that as I arrived to each I realized these places were merely points of the progression to my present.

As friends from Gokarna departed to interesting destinations I embarked toward a place that wasn’t so appealing but would be great for business connections. So instead of the easy overnight tourist bus that is filled with beds for comfortable slumber to awake to the next fun place I boarded the first of many local busses. I sit in the front seat so I can get the perfect view of the road ahead. It’s like a video game. The rules of this road are that the bus has the right of way. But because there are no rules in India this brings forth the barely missed collisions at top speed of targets varying between other vehicles, trucks doubled in height by cargo loads of sugarcane, crushed boxes, and other random items, bicyclists, pedestrians, cows and the occasional dog who decided to nap smack dab in the middle of the road. And as close to crash as we get, we never have an accident. I’ve reached a point where I have detached fear and faith in the driver to deliver us. However it is still an intensity that I can stomach for no more than 7 hours at a time. Thus instead of making brisk journey I am instead hop scotching through Karnataka and into Tamil Nadu. And actually I was stopping and checking out each place along the way because you just never know…I could find a gem somewhere. But that didn’t happen. And as I wandered around on sightseeing jaunts and in cities where I saw no other foreigners at all I wondered what the teacher was in this experience. But I remained in the faith that despite the meaningless appearing blips the trip would amount to something.

But what?

Last night I arrived to Tiruvannamalai to my 5th big Indian city packed to max with people, cars, pollution, bustle and grime and I asked when I would find a place to feel “it”. It was after dark so I couldn’t board another bus to keep going to that “guaranteed” good spot that was sure to be next in line in my flowing itinerary. Plus I had heard so many good things about T.V.Malai and I didn’t want to give up on this place yet. I had no idea where to go and there was so little written in my guidebook…not even a map. All I had heard was the infrequent nice traveler tell me how much they love T.V.Malai.

Btw, no one speaks Hindi down south and so my Hindi lessons that just wrapped up before flying to India last month wouldn’t help me at all here. It’s not only different languages in the south but they don’t even use the Hindi lettering so my new ability to read and write in Hindi does me no good round these parts. So communicating to my rickshaw driver where to take me when I was stinking from a long day journey of 5 hours on the train and then a 3 hour local bus and being fatigued from having to be “on” nonstop since I left Gokarna made it more difficult to relay where to take me.

A challenge in a language he barely knows and to a destination I didn’t even know was, uh, challenging.

“on”.

What I mean is that I have to be alert to avoid the scams, the men walking too close and “accidently” brush their hand against my crotch in passing, the not knowing where to go or having a sense of direction, while all the while having to memorize the signs and buildings around me so at the end of the day I can find my way back to my guesthouse. I guess that doesn’t sound too much fun, but really it’s not a fun or non-fun type of point that I am making. It’s just having to be “on”. And after several days of this it is tiring.

I reached a point where I was really looking forward to lowering my shield and reaching a comfort zone.

Determined that T.V.Malai is such a zone, my faith guided me to suggest to the driver: “take me to where the foreigners stay”. Because in this bustling area of the town I was again the only foreigner I saw. He took me to a hotel that looked too expensive for my budget and they were full anyway. Actually this week is a first because I have come across so many full lodges that I have never experienced this before. My guess is that the Indian economy has gotten so good in the past few years that Indian families are traveling more than I have ever noticed. So anyway with embarrassingly freaking huge backpack I wandered through dark streets looking for a hotel anywhere and I wasn’t seeing one. I started to cry but halted that pretty fast. Finally I found one and yippee they had rooms available…even for cheap! But now I know why…it was such a skuzzy room. Oy. And on top of that the hotel “boy” who brought me a bucket of hot water so I could finally bathe was lingering in my doorway leering and checking me out in such a gross way I felt violated. And I had to almost move him physically out of my doorway to close the door… now wondering how this could be my comfort zone. I tried to accept it and tell myself to loosen up and where’s my sense of adventure?

When I woke up I decided I should go to the “ashram” to see what’s there.

Ashrams are places throughout India for spiritual growth practices that vary from intensive life changing vessels to a front for a cheap accommodation. I really wasn’t sure what to expect at this one.

I’m so glad I didn’t give up to soon and run from this town. This ashram is the real deal and I have barely even scratched the surface. It’s still a bit of mystery but much more clear than this morning when I arrived.

A great technique in India if you’re not sure what to do is to sit at a chai shop and unwind over a delicious chai…and watch. Finishing my chai 15 minutes and 5 rupees later I had chosen a direction and took the path to a cafĂ© where inside were several other backpackers like myself sipping tea and having breakfast.

As usual I sat by myself, isolating myself. dammit. Thank god for friendly and outgoing people otherwise I’d never get anywhere socially. The woman across the massive table joked about a “you had to be there” and opened it up for me. And I was left there hanging. Even after our shared moment I sat there struggling to point of wanting to cry. But instead I picked up my coffee and bag and walked over to sit right next to her and said something like “hi, I just arrived here and I am so confused and shy and do you mind if I ask you some questions about this place?”

Awww…and she was so friendly and open. It was freaking awesome conversation…so nice. She and her boyfriend actually helped me find a room in their guesthouse which is amazing.

Why do I have to make it so difficult? That was freaking easy! Just go up and talk to people.

Why can’t I just expect the best instead of my spirit wincing as I try to fly?

As for the ashram, I can already tell that this is one of the mac daddies of India. It is amazing and I am really liking the energy shining from the people I have met here. We bypass the standard initial conversations to fast forward to the deep conversation where I am lifted up and beyond to philosophical and spiritual expansion. Yes, this is a new tribe for me. I am not implying that I am going to follow the teachings of the Sri Ramana Maharshi because I don’t even know what they are. But I can say that I am enjoying the wandering and deep conversations here.

My first exposure to the Maharshi’s spiritual gatherings was sitting in tonight on some hour long mantra chanting satsang. (There’s a name for it but I don’t know what it is yet.) And I sat there listening to the deep male voices taking turns with the light high notes of the women I reflected on my week leading me up to where I now sat cross legged in the large hall filled with seated people from all over the world singing in words I didn’t recognize while some altar in the front of the room was encircled by followers.

I realized that the necessary next step for my progression is the clear discernment of knowing the signs of where I am not supposed to go…

From the deterring face of fear which holds me back from where I need to go.

Because you know…if I use both to keep me away

Then I will never get myself anywhere

http://www.ramana-maharshi.org

http://www.flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157603814972498/