India family

Re-entering India from Nepal over two weeks ago presented a huge shift for me. I had reached a low in my emotions and as soon as I stepped foot back in India I felt much happier and solid again.

All the India-isms that had become annoying starting a month and a half into my trip were revived back to the amusing quirks of India that, when in a fresh state of mind, I am able to laugh instead of feeling agitated.

I returned to Pushkar and, one month after my first visit here, the vibe had changed. Now, replacing the group tours (complete with nametags and strolling the streets in a single file line) are the hippies and long-term travelers.

This is much more my scene. March is the end of Rajasthan’s tourism season. Now that it’s the end of March it is a calmer feel with much less people…because it’s hot.

Really hot.

The middle of the day finds the normally packed touristy streets almost empty. I spend a few hours each afternoon seeking shade and an overhead fan. Today it was 85 degrees in my room, which is the coolest place I can find. There are very noticeable seasonal changes in India and knowing where to go when for the optimal conditions is essential when planning a trip.

The travelers willing to brave the heat to avoid the peak tourism season are a type that I resonate with the best. So the timing for me being here now is perfect for where I’m at…

I had become tired from all my interactions being initial encounters where the same series of questions are addressed:

What is your name?

Where are you from?

Where have you been already?

Where are you going?

How long have you been here?

How much time do you have in India?

How much time do you have left before you go home?

Is it your first time to India?

And so on…

Don’t get me wrong; I really love to meet people while traveling. In fact, it’s one of my favorite aspects of being here. But imagine if you never have an opportunity to speak in familiar vernacular (and slang) about deeper or familiar topics for months on end.

Ok, I shouldn’t say I never have deep conversations. I do. But I only have a handful of conversations/meetings with these people before we move on (or stay)…and possibly never see each other again.

I was feeling ready to create a feeling of family with people I meet again and again.

Finding the right guest house is essential.

For me, it’s not about having some nice room…

It’s about what’s outside my door.

And in the guest house where I stay there is a sandy courtyard with a Champa tree in the center. All the rooms’ doors open up into the courtyard where we listen to music (either from my ipod or created by the many musicians in our midst), we chill out, talk about our day…or just sit in silence together watching the 5 turtles that live beneath the Champa tree go about their lives eating okra, walking the courtyard’s perimeter or just sitting still. Occasionally a Champa flower falls making itself available to one of us to smell its fragrance and add it to our shrines.

I love it here and I love these people because it’s a consistent group of friends who I can get to know better. I can put my energy into developing deeper friendships instead of the exhausting efforts of hopping from person to person only scratching the surface.

The biggest bonus of all is that these people come to India every year like me so I can look forward to seeing them again and again. Having friends like this is special for me because one of the most important priorities that has developed in my life is to travel to India.

These people share this passion and it is in their company when I feel I have truly found my tribe.

In the circles I have at home I feel that I am different in this way and have no one to share my greatest passion.

It is refreshing to be in the midst of like-kind folks for a few months of every year.

Differing priorities

Passions

India

photos are here

video is here

P.M.S.* in Nepal (*pretty mountain scenery)

In the same way that many Americans believe that Canada isn’t much different from the USA, I notice Nepal often described as a mountainous extension of India. But just as the red-faced Canadian with clenched fists will assert, these are two verrry different countries.

On the surface, yes most women wear traditional sari dresses and a bindi dot on most foreheads.

Buddhism and Hinduism are the predominant religions.

Nepalese printed language appears just like Hindi.

But the overall feel in Nepal is much more civilized…in so many ways.

There is chaotic traffic in the (clean) streets, but there is a noticeable sense of order. The business people seem sharper; and this creates more challenges in a dickering based shopping system when attempting to talk down prices. In addition, young women are more modern and hip. They are often seen out on dates with men and even being openly affectionate. They stroll along the streets of Thamel shopping alongside the tourists. And they’re even out at (gasp!) bars enjoying a beer.

The more orderly and professional standards here extend to restaurants. Since I arrived over a week ago I’ve been eating large quantities of excellently prepared healthy food. Based on my last visit to a scale, it appears it’s in my best interest to spend a week pigging out.

These qualities of Nepal attract its own breed of traveler. Here I am surrounded by the more clean-cut, hiking oriented traveler who is usually traveling in a group or as a couple. When traveling with an ex-boyfriend, I enjoyed my first visit to Nepal exponentially more so than my 2^nd and current visits.

I am bored here.
Last year I was bored here.
My first trip here I was not bored because I
spent most of my time trekking.
So that is the lesson I have learned about Nepal.
The goods are in the treks.
To come and just chill....well, ho hum.
It is gorgeous gorgeous nature scenery and in the cities you don't get it like you do from the high elevation treks.

Though not trekking while being here can’t take all the blame. I just don’t find Nepal as interesting for a solo traveler. I have spent several days in a row only having conversations that are based on ordering a meal or declining offers (no rickshaw, no trekking guide and no, I don’t want to buy a squeaky high-pitched wooden violin.) And when smiling and in a respectful and friendly way declining the numerous offers, I was able to see another aspect of the Nepalese being more advanced in that they know the English phrases such as “Fuck you” and “you bitch”.

In summary,

I feel lonely in Nepal.

Though, it’s not right for me to put the blame on the place or the people.

Yes so much outward dynamics add influence to people’s emotions. However, ultimately it is most productive and accurate to identify the root of one’s own dynamic in the reactions and responses.

Are there expectations?

If so, then there is likelihood of disappointment.

Is there comparison with memories from the past?

The past ain’t now…

And if a person reaches for a memory to serve as an excuse or obstacle of what is preventing her contentment and happiness…well, this person can never be fully happy since change and individual evolution is inevitable. Things can never be just like the memory.

Is there comparison with other people’s situations?

Other people’s happiness is not for anyone but that individual. It is the chemistry and formula that will only work for that one person. Their situation and demeanor can provide inspiration, however.

But like a butterfly, the beauty and inspiration in the individualized formula for happiness cannot successfully be applied to another individual with equal success. Taking a butterfly and placing it into a jar never brings the same beauty as witnessed when free and applied to the original dynamic.

It’s important to identify right now in THIS moment what it is that makes YOU happy.

And for me, being in Nepal at this moment is not helping me in being happy.

I mean, it’s “ok” but my efforts to enjoy myself being thwarted repeatedly are signs enough that I should head elsewhere.

Why am I not so happy though?

Well it could be due to the p.m.s.

No, not the pretty mountain scenery.

It’s the monthly kind, that, for the sake of any male readers, I’ll just leave it at that.

A bout of loneliness in Nepal

Inspires my trek to the top of a soapbox

Looking outward

To find the beautiful butterfly

And realizing the best suited one flutters already

From within

photos are here

video is here

the flow of the waters and wanderings in Varanasi

One of the most incredible cities in the world is Varanasi. An ancient city of densely arranged tall buildings that butt right up to the banks of the holy Ganges River.

Series of stairs (known as ghats) descend toward the spiritual waters.

The currents are greeted on the opposite bank with sand and nature. The ends of the spectrum of either natural area or the chaotic and packed human creations straddle the waters that bring cleansing and rebirth in-between to millions who dip and enjoy the flow and fluids of this Shiva city also known as Kashi. All kinds of uses of the water take place along the ghats including bathing, swimming, row boating, blessings of births & marriages and cremation of those who have passed.

There are two ghats devoted specifically as burning ghats where one can witness the open pyres of wood encasing bodies, burning nonstop for 24 hours each day, every day. It is a joyful event for family and friends who celebrate the passing of a loved one here because the spreading of the ashes into the Ganges, the Hindus believe, brings closure to the soul’s cycles of reincarnation.

The final passing of each spirit…

My favorite way to experience this city is to wander the length of the Ganges along the ghats; from one burning ghat all the way down to the other. Each ghat in between has its own history, appearance and activity. At one moment I can watch the billowing smoke of cremation and just several yards away be offered a boat ride. Further along families bathe and the next an area of young men frolicking and splashing with games and laughter.

I unintentionally timed my visit to Varanasi perfectly because Hindu babas from around the country had made the journey one month prior to a nearby Khumba Mela festival. Before the babas return home they stay in Varanasi to celebrate both Shiva Ratri and Holi.

Babas are holy men in the Hindu religion and the best comparison I can make for them is with Rastafarian men. Babas have given up their material possessions and societal obligations to devote themselves to attain a higher spiritual life in Hinduism. Most sport long dreadlocked hair, walk shoeless and wear simple orange draped cloth. They smoke as much marijuana or hashish as needed to attain an open state of connection with a spiritual self. Because of their esteemed position among religious Hindus, their use of what is normally considered illegal drugs is acknowledged as completely allowed and an acceptable part of their spiritual process.

Can you imagine a nun lighting up a fattie?

Roll one up, Sister Mary Catherine!

With the influx of babas in this holy city, what is usually bare areas along the ghats became temporary tented cities housing hundreds of orange clothed dreadlocked Hindu holy men. There are many different types of babas and one that surprisingly didn’t freak me out is a naga baba. “Naga” means naked, and when called over by a group of Naga babas I only hesitated for a moment before deciding to join them in their circle. Yep, me and 8 naked holy men passing a chillum. Hello!

Woah!

It didn’t take long for me to shake the weird feeling of them being naked and realize that these were the nicest, most chilled out people I’ve ever met.

From there I continued to walk along the ghats with my new activity of “baba-hopping”. Inundated with friendly invitations to sit with these men, I eventually chose to decline some of the festive offers…or else I’d never get anywhere. You see, being holy doesn’t mean these dudes have eased their natural appreciation of the beauty of women. Every woman who walked by them was enthusiastically invited to join their circle. And when I sat with any group I couldn’t help but giggle, as they would totally check out and make commentary on each goddess that walked past…

“Oh, beautiful Parvati”

“Oh, she is so lovely”

and so on…

With the arrival of the Holi festival my baba-hopping screeched to a halt for a couple of days. Holi is the annual religious festival that is celebrated with the onslaught of color: thrown, dumped or smeared on any clean person in sight. I’ve played Holi twice before (see here for pics) and this year I decided to remain a spectator (which can be challenging if you don’t stay in complete hiding). So I made sure to stay in a guesthouse that has a restaurant and a view so I wouldn’t have to step outside for over 24 hours.

Coinciding with the arrival of Holi was the arrival of Ron, my pal from Pushkar who I last saw one week before. The city, now washed in hues of pink was now a place I wandered as two instead of one.

.

.

You may have noticed that I am afflicted with the travel bug. Ever since 2001 when I first left the USA, I caught a taste of foreign journeys and I can’t shake this passion for wandering.

I love meeting people from the around the world,

being in places that are far from familiar

and immersing myself in various foreign cultures.

But these things merely comprise my playground of WHY I love to travel overseas.

When I am immersed in foreign stimulation my senses are fresh and raw. What was once an undetectable automatic response to the familiar surrounds and ways of home, in the new I learn more about myself. I realize in each moment and with each decision I make what I like and how I like it. Trying new food, interacting with people completely different from my cliques at home, participating in activities unlike the usual outings I do over and over at home. Placing myself in this new dynamic wakes me, shakes me up and what emerges is a better self-understanding.

And this is why I encourage folks to get out there and check it out…

To discover a new perspective of who YOU are.

One huge dynamic in this is whether a traveler chooses to go it alone or with friends. Sometimes folks head out alone and then end up meeting like-minded new friends to travel with.

I choose to travel alone for many reasons but mostly because my reactions and decision are only from me providing what I consider the purest way to understand myself. Traveling with others for me in these past journeys has been hit or miss. I’ve met some wonderful people but I’ve also been in situations where I let the group be a priority over my best interests…my “path”.

I realize in ALL relationships, not just travel partners, it is essential that each person have a balance of maintaining their path and autonomy while making compromise and offering support to the relationship.

Relationships, I have come to realize in the past few years, are my greatest achievement I have YET to be able to successfully maintain.

With my Varanasi wanderings shifting to a shared experience with Ron, the Kashi mirror reflected to me how selfish I am of having full control of making decisions and having my way.

Now, for example, instead of just walking over and sitting down with a baba who just waved me over, I found I felt obligated to turn to Ron and ask “do you want to go sit with the babas?…is that cool?”

And my flow, my independent and sometimes lonely wander, is now compromised.

And me?

Now I get cranky.

I know that understanding one’s weaknesses is the biggest and most important step towards self-improvement. But it is so hard to take when I’m in full realization of how I’m playing my bitch card…and ultimately making Ron feel bad as a result.

…in addition to how this behavior squelches opportunities.

Together Ron and I left Varanasi for a two-day long, LONG bus journey to Nepal. With so much togetherness jammed in this time I was able to see clearly that we have some striking incompatibilities. Nothing that prevents friendship but enough where I knew it wasn’t working between us on this journey.

So, yes, I read into it when one of our bus’ tires went flat.

Our relationship deflated.

However, we are still friends.

Now in Katmandu

I’m alone again

photos are here...

videos are here
and here