At breakfast this morning, Uval asked me what I’m going to miss most about Kudle Beach and I told him the people. The friends I’ve made, the conversations and…the drama.
Of course the beach is gorgeous, there are many nooks to wander around during the day and Gokarna town is a sweet Karnataka village. But the biggest highlight for me here were the friendships and fun times connecting with other like-minded travelers.
I had gotten sucked into the vortex.
In the first few days after arriving to Sea View Resort I spent my chill time at my guesthouse cafe sitting upright and alone at a table by myself surrounded by groups of people who lounged comfortably with others in conversation and often laughter. I wasn’t interacting with anyone and barely able to make eye contact. Every day at sunset was the highlight of my day where people would gather for volleyball, poi spinning and music making. I developed a corny crush on one of the volleyball players who I never seized opportunities to approach him. And once I finally talked to him I realized that it is senseless to create my fantasy pedestals for people. How could I know this man is so wonderful without even exchanging conversation and feeling our interaction? It’s much like when I had a very sweet and romantic moment with a Spaniard who couldn’t speak any English. Communication is essential for knowing if there is a deep connection possible. And on that same token, I let the groups of chill backpackers sitting around me at Sea View intimidate me…because why? Because they were comfortable and don’t have this shy thing that plagues me most of the time.
Eventually I did talk to the amazing volleyball player guy and well, he is nice and deep and attractive, but the truth is that we don’t have that spark that is essential to take a friendship to a more intimate level. On the other hand, my good friend Nijiko clearly shared that “zing” with him. And that was a little weird to witness. I mean, I sat with the two of them and watched their undeniable chemistry. I was really happy for them because it was clear there was something between them happening. And also happy for Nijiko because she is one of the big-time sweethearts I have come across in life and she deserves all the light that she brings to herself through her own beaming personality. But anyway it was also a little weird because I had told her that I had a crush on Mark and she probably also felt a little awkward about how things ultimately developed.
So early in my 2 weeks here I had concluded that I have to stop this fantasy pedestal status I give people; to see everyone as equal and to appreciate strengths instead of putting them above me (as if I don’t also have offerings in strength !?).
I decided to step outside of the Sea View to change my scenery if even for just one meal.
And that one meal found me alone and ultimately approached by an older Indian man. By the end of our lunch I discovered that he is a trained psychologist and had just completed teaching a course that involves recalibrating brainwaves to release emotional patterns of history…to clear paths for new beginnings. I was like…”oh duuuuude…I really need that right now”. So even though he was to leave Gokarna in 2 hours he happily gave me the treatment that involved about 15 minutes seated under a shady tree at the edge of the beach. He clutched my head in his hands and I’m not sure what else he did because my eyes were closed. Now I’m no sucker, I use caution wisely and rarely am duped. And this was very cool.
When he was finished I felt really clear and my body was tingling.
And thereafter, everything changed for me…
No more crushes, no more shyness and no more pedestals.
I don’t mean I was suddenly walking up to any interesting looking person. But my demeanor softened, I was approachable and I was also initiating. Suddenly I didn’t care about having crushes and my energy shifted more to the amazing conversations I was having with new found friends from Germany, Greece, Israel, France, Spain and many more. With each day the friendships deepened.
The environment of travel is a condensed form of relationship development where you are spending all day long for days on end with new friends and old. Thus the speed of deepening relationships quicken much more than those at home where if you have your first nice date or meeting with someone the likelihood is pretty low that your next meeting/date happening will be the same day…and several times in this same day.
At home it’s more like you meet someone and then a week later you see them at another event or gathering…at best. So the speed of relationship development at home is so much slower.
So what does that mean for my two weeks here? Well, I feel that my work to be done here was not so much about meeting my dream man but more about softening my reserve and calming my insecurities. To work on friendships and make connections.
Ironically however, all around me was this big soap opera: friends becoming lovers and the inevitable dramas that can come when in the scenario of temptation and stimulation. I suppose I could feel like I missed out a bit by not having my own little romance here, but I prefer to revel in my current status of observer…and at times a sounding board for the venting tryst participants.
So in a nutshell it was like this:
-My next door neighbor seemed pretty borderline crazy but pleasant enough, so I let that one slide. She was detached from personal relationships, probably from a past trauma, and instead shifted all her focus toward a litter of 4 puppies that were born outside our guesthouse on the beach.
-One woman moved in with her new love and later they had friction and then just as they were going to part ways the guy came back around.
-I saw the French guy I had a crush on last season had arrived to Kudle, but unfortunately he has a girlfriend with him this year. Zut allor! While giving me a macramé beaded hair extension on the beach he told me he was in the middle of a big fight with his girlfriend. And moments later she came over and gave me that jealous girlfriend “look”.
-As depicted above, my friend Nijiko from Japan who I was tight with last season in Bhagsu hooked up with the guy I had a crush on but who I later realized was better suited for Nijiko.
-A large group of us took a one hour boat ride north to an amazing (mostly)-undiscovered beach for a full moon party. The party was such a joke and I think I can confidently say now that psytrance sucks unbelievably (although Gulabi and Lee told me not to make a decision based on this super wack party). Aside from the party however!! The trip to the beach was awesome because our group from Sea View was so great…love these people!! And the beach was amazing…almost as gorgeous as the Andaman Islands.
-My neighbor, upon return to our guesthouse after the full moon party, ended up completely flipping out for over 24 hours…thankfully with a break here and there. Two of the puppies had disappeared and this did not bode well for her in the mix of medications she both took or needed to take and hadn’t…anyway, screaming and violent attack of the internet café owner and full drama psycho freak out ensued. Finally someone located some valium and things chilled out a bit.
DRAMA!!!!!
Anyway, there are several more little soap opera whoppers, but that above list is the greatest hits of my two weeks.
Yeah so what I am going to miss most here is the people and the great connections. And in a weird way I suppose those little dramas are a bonus as well. But that’s easy for me to say because none of them affected me directly. I was only in it as support or a mere observer.
It makes me wonder if taking on my own personal dramas would enrich my experiences.
?
Really I am not sure about that one.
I like to glide
http://flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157603734234347/
http://www.youtube.com/user/dwanjabi
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