which way to have it all?

Every time I come to India I seem to have a trend of spending February blazing trails by myself and away from the rest of the tourists and backpackers. It's a time that usually follows a month of the beach scene of Goa/Gokarna which lack of the authentic cultural immersion given by the villages and destinations I have visited this past month.

Sure there are other foreigners in the places that I've been but sparsely so. Plus the layout of the places I got to don't have backpacker chill zones where i can acquaint new friends.
Ultimately i reach a point where i get lonely.
I'm having fun, no doubt...but i am missing out on conversation, company and camaraderie. I do meet lots of friendly local people but our lack of common language keeps us at a level of interaction that makes me yen for more.
Lately I've been reaching out with online interaction to feed my needs...which has been somewhat helpful.
But now the itinerary swimming in my head is starting to take new shape because I need to work in some spots so I am assured to meet some like minded travelers.

but then i have to wonder where that line is...
the one, that line, that i am always at conflict with
when i need to bend a little from MY path so i can be with others.
i often question myself with that big fat MY...ME...I...
and then when alone and lonely i can now look right at that big fat MY...ME...I...to know why:
perhaps i should be more about the we and the us
so i can not feel so alone.

BUT
you know there always is that fat but sticking in there...
i also feel like if i am totally pursuing what *I* want to do so then i attract to me the people who also share this path
still, i am often alone

so which one is it?
or if neither,
then WHAT ?

plus i just don't know if i can handle the we the us the together
because sometimes i have it
and i leave it

duh

anyway, I'm working on it


today i arrived to a new spot that is a sweet mix of half foreigner and half domestic tourism. I ate dinner at a restaurant that was 100% foreigners for a delicious meal that cost double the amount it cost for my 10 hour local bus ride that delivered me here this evening.

As for my dinner experience, it was "ok".
Then after dinner i wandered out and enjoyed finally seeing Hindi signs for the first time in a month and practisced reading...and ultimately engaged in fun conversation with some Rajasthani restauranteurs in Hindi.


I am so torn.
Authentic cultural travel vs. the backpacker "scene"
Can't i have both?

i know i can
but i haven't had a taste of both chutnies on the same chapati in a long time


Here are the amazing sights from Rameswaram:
http://flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157603885524585/