the scenic route

When I drive around Portland I keep my routes fresh and interesting by staying off the major thoroughfares and sticking with the neighborhood streets. Sure it may add an extra 5 or ten minutes to my drive but the character of the various areas of the area make it worth it. Highways and the wide roads that provide higher speed limits do have an allure of convenience. The lack of character on these roads end up not saving much time and taking them isn’t worth an extra 5-10 minutes and a boring ride.

This has been an amazing approach to all the road trips I’ve taken around the USA as well. When my family moved from New Jersey to Texas when I was 12 we went full speed along the interstates of SE USA. It was really boring. However when I began to plan itineraries as an adult I dabbled with the smaller scenic routes and realized that the speed difference is not so big. And the general store smack dab in the middle of nowheresville is much more interesting than the exit 786 rest area.

I wasn’t feeling so stimulated by Pushkar this season.
…At first.
But as my attitude was getting a bit wack I stopped myself and wondered “why?”. And I made a mental list of the things that agitate me or have lost their intriguing touch. I came to realize that I was taking the “highway” approach in forming my opinions. What I mean by this is that the main road of Pushkar, the mostly pedestrian road densely lined with shops of all sorts and several chai shops, was draining me. I’m not shopping this year. Shopping isn’t why I come to India. For many it is, and at one time it was a highlight for me in my travels. But it is no longer a priority for me. So I can point a finger of blame at Pushkar because it is so shopping oriented. But Pushkar being a shopping town is only one aspect of this village.

Realizing this, I began to purposefully avoid walking on this main shopping road as much as I could avoid it. Instead I wandered through the back village streets and alleys…passing the villager homes, children playing, laundry being hung on the line and friendly authentic greetings from locals not trying to sell…me…a thing. Wow. The energy completely shifted. Once I left the main shopping road and spent an additional 5-10 minutes to arrive at my destination…I had a head and heart filled with the images of the sweet sweet Rajasthan village. And what completely blows my mind is that I cannot recall one time while wandering in this area of the town where I walked past any other foreign tourists.



The same thing goes for the lake. Even more than my walks in the alleys of Pushkar I had redirected my itineraries alongside Pushkar Lake on the ghats. All along the main shopping road of Pushkar are ancient archways opening up to the set of stairs leading down to the lake. It is along these ghats where Brahmans travel from around the country to make puja in the holy water of the lake. Can you imagine the difference for me each morning by taking this lakeside route? Walking down the stairs, removing my shoes, slowly sauntering along, making sure not to disturb the hundreds of pigeons feasting on the seeds spread out by the pilgrims, the occasional cow or bull resistant to clear space for me to walk through the tiny doorway leading to the next ghat…

And through it exposed is a burst of many colors of saris on a large group of bathing Indian women… and on I see families praying together, pouring holy water atop each other’s heads, cupping it up to each mouth to drink and finally the afterglow in the form of flower petals spread upon the lake. Each morning after my local cart man’s Rajasthan traditional breakfast of Poha, I descend the ghat and take in the beauty, serenity and openness of the ghats of Pushkar. Here on the lake and off the “highway” I am free of the “Namaste, madam…come look my shop” or the whizzing beeping motorcycles blaring by missing me by only inches.

And again, I barely saw nary a foreign tourist during my daily walks along the ghats. I felt incredulous that I was one of the few foreign visitors that had made the discovery of so many sweet spots. But then I remembered back to my first few visits to Pushkar that the shopping and stimulating distractions of the main road were pretty freaking cool. So putting this all together in my mind, even though I am not compelled by shopping, etc., I can accept it. Plus the attraction of the main shopping road for most of the foreign tourists is great because, what I feel is the most special part of Pushkar is maintained and nearly empty from the scads of foreigners showing up each year.



Every day, several times a day, I sit at various chai shops watching “the movie”, as I call it. …the cows, the dogs, the beggars, the passersby, the monkeys, the motorcycles, the interaction of the local people with each other, with the foreigners, and all the unexpected and quirky offerings India gives. Early in my 2 week stay in Pushkar I noticed a blind young man walking tentatively along the main shopping road…not begging…just making his way. He caught my eye because he appeared so calm and happy…puttering along tapping his stick along his path and maintaining a smile on his face. Then as he got closer to the chai shop where I sat, many of the local shopkeepers gave him a hard time, spinning him around to confuse his sense of direction and taunting him (not sure because they spoke in the local language). I was hard pressed to not get really defensive for him. I wanted to run up and stop them…but I remained patient with the faith in goodness in people and just watched further. The blind young man never lost his smile. In fact, it got bigger…and he sassed them back. It was actually sweet, if you can believe it. In the end he was back on his path and with a bigger grin on his face, shining his light as he walked in the dark.

After a few days I became aware that his tapping trek through the street each morning is routine. Mornings amidst in my own poha breakfast routine I came to expect him to travel by as I sipped my chai. Each day brought the same interaction with these local men and it dawned on me that this is actually a very sweet way they show each other love. This realization was touching for me because, while it is so easy to react to something we think we understand, if we place our reaction on hold and quiet our mind and really SEE… we can see a whole new light on a situation. And if this man can have so much peace and happiness when only seeing what appears as darkness, well…wow. This opens up a whole new perspective on beauty and happiness…

I feel so blessed with my two weeks in Pushkar. I had the best room in the best guesthouse, filled with the best fellow travelers under the amazing champa tree…dropping the occasional champa flower down on the sand aside the 7 large turtles who live there. My regular compadres were three sweet Maltese and the rest of the folks in my guesthouse like one large family…spending what ended up hours watching the slow motion lives of the family of turtles and marveling at even the most basic activities like walking, yawning, eating and shitting. It’s a big day at Shiva guesthouse when one of them does something as fantastic as blow bubbles from a nostril or lay an egg…

Ahh, a day in the life in Pushkar.



Photos

kicked out of the India experience

When I was in the comfy cozy international village of Arambol I felt ambivalent about jumping into the “India experience”. But I trusted myself to be able to do it. And when people asked me where I was going after Arambol and I told them I was going to Ahmedabad the reactions I received affected me. At first the quizzical looks on their faces and the bursts of “WHY?” made me feel nervous and even question myself even though my decision was a sound one. I was compelled to go to this unpopular location for some unknown reason. After a day or two of ambivalence from traveler inquiry of my onward travels I had a shift. I began approaching the subject in a Tom Sawyer-esque way. Suddenly other travelers’ interest in traveling to Ahmedabad was piqued. By adding mystery & allure to a place often associated as a pit of a place no one would ever want to go to, I was able to transcend my apprehension and get pretty psyched. And it not only paid off but Ahmedabad walked my talk.

Ahmedabad was the largest and most developed city in India in pre-British occupation. The British elevated cities like Bombay and New Delhi into their cosmopolitan status of recent years. So what made Ahmedabad so pleasing is that it held its own and had some really nice history. Wandering through the old part of the city was sweet. The people of Ahmedabad are so gentle and friendly. I never once felt harassed like I often do in other locations in India. I was able to stop and chat with local people and there were no other tourists anywhere to be seen. Not only that, I was gastronomically ecstatic. Ahmedabad is the foodie capital of India. I ate at probably the most amazing restaurant I’ve ever been to in my life. The meal is well over my budget but I think it is really a shame to miss out on an occasional splurge while traveling for the sake of the experience. I mean seriously…I was at a beautifully white tiled mosaic seat and table covered with rose petals with classical Indian music playing and a seemingly never ending offering of more courses of traditional Gujarati dishes, all made organically and with locally grown produce brought to me by a wait staff coming from local villages.

I was able to geek out on Gandhi, one of my biggest heroes, by visiting the former Gujarat native’s homestead on the banks of the river. While there I noticed an American consulate program set up with banners, a podium and chairs and wondered what was going on. The next day I read in the paper that Martin Luther King III had visited the same spot just hours after I did!

This season in India I am trying to avoid booking anything in advance so I can be as “in the flow” as possible. So it was only a few hours before I left Ahmedabad I decided to leave on a train without a ticket. You see, it’s totally cool to do that sort of thing in India. You just board a train and when the conductor comes you pay him and he finds you a seat. So anyway I’m sitting there in what ended up being an air conditioned car…and drinks and food starts showing up without any payment asked for. It didn’t occur to me that anything was too odd there…plus I was hungry and I just ripped into my samosa and chai without a care in the world as I let the nearby conversation in Hindi drift into white noise as I gazed out of the tinted window out onto fields filled with buffalos slowly chewing hay. I assumed when the conductor walked away from me with little comment and not asking me for money that there was an unfortunate language barrier and he just assumed I had a ticket and would leave me alone. Some delusional fantasy became my reality and I believed I was going to ride what ended up as being a luxury Rajdhani train for FREE! Sweet!
We arrived to our first stop right on time, one hour after our initial departure. I was so comfortable and happy after my meal and hot chai. And then the conductor came over just as the train slowed to a stop and waved me over to the door and said “you leave now”.
Yep, I got kicked off the train and found myself at some random village in northern Gujarat.

It didn’t bother me much because another train going the same way was coming in 30 minutes…and I was actually enjoying the adventurous curveballs life was throwing me.

The next train showed up and I went into the lowest class available, Class II. If I can describe it in a word to give you an idea of the scene: sardines. Part of the time I was standing and the other time I half leaned on my upright backpack. Everything was a seat for people in this car: the actual seats, the floors, the window sills, other people’s laps, the luggage racks, etc. Anywhere you could put a person, there one was. So the friendly and gentle Gujarati people were there with me up close and personal. Entire families squished together, an elderly man picking his toes up high in the luggage rack, two young boys sexually fondling each other to my left and an old man who lovingly played with his baby granddaughter, shaking her up to make her laugh and turning to me to say “in India, children are god.”



Then, just 30 minutes before my train reached my destination I got the cherry on the cake…an Indian transvestite clad in a beautiful mirrored sari made his way through the car, man by man, extorting money by intimidating each one into giving him-her money by caressing his hair or ultimately sexually fondling the more hesitant and stingy ones. Ultimately though, each man coughed up 5-10 rupees.


Next stop the hill station of Mt Abu in southern Rajasthan.What a gorgeous place! High atop a “mountain” is a lake and an ideal tourist destination for Indians from Ahmedabad, Gujarat and Mumbai. It was pretty cool to see a tourist destination where there were barely any international types like myself. 95% of the people in Mt Abu were Indians. This was perfect in my post Goa plan of getting more into the Indian experience. This past weekend Mt Abu was teeming with more vacationing Indians than usual because it was a three day weekend for the Maha Shivaratri holiday. My noncommittal reply to my guesthouse manager about how long I’d stay ended up biting me in the ass. Getting ready to settle in to my 2nd night there my hotel room phone rang and the manager told me I had to leave the next morning. Yep, now I got kicked out of my hotel room to make room for a high paying upper middle class Indian family.

I was cool with this too. I hadn’t gotten to visit the Dewari Temple but I also wasn’t attached to staying or leaving Mt Abu. And other than getting a nice stroll around Nakki Lake, I was able to experience the super kitschy Spiritual Museum put together by the Brahma Kumaris. Although it was only 5 minutes into the English version of the “Meditation Laser Show Experience” before about 40 Indian came into the theater loudly talking as they waited impatiently to view the Hindi version. So in a sense I was kicked out of that too. But again I was cool with that. 5 minutes of the meditation laser show was enough of an experience for me anyway.

I arrived to Pushkar last night and was pretty sad to see that Pushkar Lake is a puddle surrounded by mountains of dirt and mud being pushed around by a team of loudly churning and banging bulldozers. My first night I was in my favorite hotel here that is butted right up to the lake…er, correction: work area. I decided to stay there anyway. The blaring Shivaratri music carried across the lake throughout the night was no problem at all…I slept right through it. But being awakened at 7am by the banging of the bulldozers I knew immediately I had to change my scenery.

Now I am back at my other favorite place in Pushkar: Shiva Guesthouse, with the cheap room rates, good location, nice travelers and cucumber munching turtles in the courtyard…and my bag is fully unpacked. I am at home.

Photos:
Ahmedabad
Mt Abu

freedom

I just spent 6 weeks in Arambol.

There are so many ways I can interpret or judge or analyze my or anyone else’s experience based on one sentence. Upon arrival back in January I absolutely never thought and definitely did not plan to be there for so long. Committing to 3 weeks when I arrived was daunting enough back then. And yet 6 weeks later as I departed yesterday it was a sweet melancholy…realizing that I had some sadness in saying goodbye. A sadness only a flickering moment as I cleared myself to a shift in perspective of absolute gratefulness and love. Sticking around and staying the course…not running away when I feel antsy out of fear of getting too close…which is fear of getting hurt…fear fear fear.

I have been traveling for years but I feel like it has been ages since I let myself just rest in one place. To rest my fears, agitation, awkwardness, rest my judgment, constant movement and seeking. Yes, rest this seeking.

This seeking! To be able to put it aside and just BE. I feel free.

The Great Freedom “12 Inquiries” course that I completed almost a week ago was a profound experience for me. It had been recommended to me last season in India but I felt hesitant at that time. The timing and logistics of the course I just completed were so absolutely convenient that the opportunity was staring me in the face and asking “SO. Are you going to do it or not? Huh? Because I’m right here in front of you.”

Initially I was frustrated with the class due to my aversion and judgment of the guru-seeking-spiritual-Disneyland many tourists come to find in India. Plus I am very keen as I notice each year the occasional traveler in India who has “lost the plot” so to speak…losing their mind or losing their identity. And that sure as hell wasn’t going to be me…and I was rigid and strong to prevent it.

However, the course was very intensive…sharing each of our deepest demons and fears amongst a class of 20 other people. Through exposing vulnerabilities my steely veneer softened and I was able to finally just open up and listen without so much judging and resistance.

But how this course is a profound experience is not in only the 2 weeks in the course through sharing and getting to know ~20 other amazing people…it is profound because I feel I finally have the tools I need and have been seeking for years to help navigate life.

My experience in Arambol this season has been so so sweet. I was more open and receiving and I was granted the fruit…and I took a bite. I made so amazing business connections!...so stoked to be carrying my friend Ori’s Aspire line of clothes. I deepened friendships with those I share my winters here every year. I made new friendships…so many and so lovely. I think I had a crush on about 20 people…so much beauty! So much creativity! So much love! Everywhere I went I just felt so much love for everyone that I was in constant crush mode.

My final two nights I was blissed and blessed. Culminating my friendships all together in a large Carnivale celebration on the beach I danced amongst hundreds in festive costumes and live music. And then my final night I kept it really chill by just sitting amongst friends in the living room (Piya’s guesthouse)…and how totally appropriate the collection of beautiful friends around me; friends from past years in Arambol, new friends from Piya’s, new friends from Great Freedom, friends from the creatrix fashion community, friends from home & the beginning of my journey (Morgan & Monika returned just in time for my Arambol closure) and Anjali (formerly known as Foxy) another friend from home showed up one more time too.

To be surrounded by so many people I love and each representing stages and arenas of where I’ve been and who I have become is just so appropriate and beautiful for my departure from Arambol. I give so much props to life and the universe for the constant gifts and also thanks that I have my eyes open for the awareness to see and receive.

Photos & videos http://www.flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157613384134939/

Great Freedom http://www.greatfreedom.org/

a few ditties

Tonight I decided to try to catch up on some emails that have been in my inbox for over a month. As I wrote some emails catching friends up on my life I realize there are some great little ditties from my life over here that I skipped in my previous blog which gave a 3 week sweeping overview of my trip in India thus far. But any traveler knows how action packed even a single day can be on the journey. So, in short, I skipped some true gems in my last blog.

First of all, before I even got to India, starting back on….oh, let’s say November 2nd… I was dreaming of where I would be to watch the live broadcast of Obama’s inauguration speech. Once I realized I would still be in Arambol for it, I was pretty psyched because of the several venues here which have satellite television connections. After scouring the town to see if any of them planned to show Barak’s speech, I wasn’t feeling so hopeful. Plus his inauguration was the same day as Piya’s 50th birthday. Piya is the owner of the living room (also known as Arkan Bar) and mother to all of us who live in this neighborhood in Arambol. It is an event every year but this one was a big one because she turned 50. The party was an easy distraction from lamenting missing Obama’s speech. In the midst of it all, djs, dancing, fireworks, a full house of amazing travelers from around the world, I had honestly forgotten about the inauguration speech. Getting up from chair to hula hoop a few to some blasting remix of Johnny Cash, I returned to my chair to find some cute Israeli guy in my chair. I took the opportunity to say hello, cuz well…he was someone I had never seen before and he was pretty hot. He gave up the chair and we stood together transfixed in our connection and conversation. Finally I asked, “by the way, what is your name anyway?”. And he answered “Barak”. I was like, dude, what did you say?? And he repeated “Barak”. Then I got the whole spacey blissed out hippy stance and was like “WOAH. Dude. What time is it??” and he reached into his bag and pulled out a large face digital clock with a light up screen reading the exact time (with the time change factored in) of Barack Obama’s inauguration speech!! WOAH
Anyway, that’s the end of that story…no smooch or dirt or anything.

Ok, next…
There is a somewhat annoying phenomenon in the traveler scene in India. People come traveling by themselves and I guess they feel lonely and need an outlet for nurturing and being nurtured. Plus they see all the strife and poor conditions all around India. And this strife goes particularly so for dogs, which lead a pretty rough life over here. Anyway, you put it all together and then here comes a cute little puppy and, voila…you get this typical lonely traveler adopting a pet. Yeah it’s cute, and the dog gets fed and whatever. But what usually happens is that the end of the 6 month visa comes around the traveler goes home and Fido (or little Siddhartha perhaps) is left high and dry with no one to take care of it anymore. So the dog is now reliant on being taken care of and is now left to the whims of life in India, including the people, the other dogs, the big trucks, the starvation, etc… Anyway, it is something that a first time traveler may not recognize as being so totally unsustainable. It is frustrating to me but there’s nothing I can do about it so I let it pass.

Anyway, a new twist this season is this guy…let’s call him “rat man”…ok so maybe that gives it away. But anyway, this dude has adopted a rat. The situation is quirky and interesting and I am sure he gets a lot of attention for it. So rat man walks around with this white rat sitting on his shoulder and with a musical instrument in hand.
I decided one night to attend a late night jam session where, as it turns out, rat man was part of the ensemble. As I sat enjoying the soft jamming of drums and guitars and the nice company…the hot chai cooling on the table…rat man wanted to be more free to make music so dropped the rat off to hang out on our table. Shortly after the rat arrived, we realized the rat is blind. So initially it was pretty comical because we would wave our hands in front of his face and he would sniff around oblivious…oblivious, you see, because he CAN’T see. Ha Ha…yes this is so amusing! Hee hee! But the longer we watched him as he wandered around our table, the stranger it became to have a rat ON OUR TABLE at a restaurant. The blind bugger would poke around slowly and blindly but as soon as the plate with cake on it was placed down, he scurried freakin fast. And that’s when it just got really creepy.
But he was really clean…in fact half the time he was blundering around blindly but then as if the aimless ramble became boring, he’d stop to wash himself for a long time. So I was like, “hey well he’s a clean little fellow. Perhaps I should transcend my prior opinion that rats are dirty disgusting animals”. So I tried it. But then I watched him licking the condensation off of my water bottle and that just felt weird. And maybe you are wondering how I can so boldly continue to refer to him as a HE? Well, because of his disproportionately massive balls. Ok, that’s it, get this frickin critter off the table!

Yeah,so transcending conditioning….
That’s what I’m working on in this course I’m taking. I’ve had three days so far and I am keeping one foot steadily and solidly planted in realityland while the rest of me is open to this mysterious new and “life changing” approach to life. The vague messages and constant repetition has me all cynical as hell and my brainwash radar is blinking… anyway, I am being cautious yet open. I’m not supposed to talk to others in the class about what goes on in there so to maintain a sense of “quiet” in the teachings. But I ended up at a restaurant during a lunch break with these two brothers from Toronto who are also in the course with me. Within moments we were gushing about all sorts of stuff about the class…ooh, such a big no no! It’s refreshing though! And the laughs we get from making light of what appears inane is so fun and refreshing.
Tonight we each put 50 rupees in on a bet to guess who will be the first person to quit the class. Winner takes all. I chose the Australian guy with the puppy.

sticking around for the flow

My first two weeks in Arambol were spent finding my flow. In what felt like disconnected moments, I thought to myself…”hmm, perhaps Arambol isn’t the place for me”. I found excuses for why it isn’t for me like “this isn’t *real* India” or “it’s so touristy here”, etc. Now, as I look back at my trends in travel and in life, I realize I make excuses and tend to hit the road impatiently…as if my evacuation of opportunity will provide me with a flow elsewhere. But then the cycle perpetuates as I continue to flee.

There were some true blessings in my first two weeks…

Companionship availed itself as I floundered a bit. Sasha, my Russian travel mate from last season, showed up to Goa one day after me and our familiarity was a sweet home base of friendship. Shortly after he arrived, Morgan, a friend I camped with at Burning Man in 2007, arrived for a week with his girlfriend Monika. We all shared space at one great guesthouse…more accurately a collection of huts and rooms located just on the edge of the palm grove preceding the sandy beach of the Arabian Sea. Familiar connections from home didn’t stop there. Max, a friend from Portland, came out for a brief vacation from his intensive yoga course 30 minutes away.

I have always felt like I’m alone and the only one over here in India. In the past couple years there have been a few blips here and there. But this year starting off with these three and then also having Michaela (another friend from the west coast tribe) here as well I’m seeing a blurring of my circles and worlds occurring.

My days begin with alone time on my balcony of my room, which I love so much. Then off to coffee and chai hopping at various places around Arambol. What comes with is meeting many different people who hold different perspectives, histories and cultures. Sipping my chai while basking in these various reflections…all the while creating familiar faces that become acquaintances and ultimately friendships.

Once the day’s heat dissipates (around 2:30 or 3) I head out to the beach to bask in the glorious sunshine, while sitting at the edge of the lapping waves watching the passersby or enjoying music or performances of the creative community which dwells here in Arambol. Sunset arrives bringing contemplation of the day that has passed and the culmination of all people comes forth to the sand to sing, create and commune in the rosy glow as we watch the sun greet the sea.

The nightlife here offers a variety of options ranging from techno or trance parties, Indian fusion live bands or a simple beer or two with friends at Arcan Bar.

What I have struggled with both in travel and now I realize at home in Portland as well, is that my self-doubt and impatience keeps me on the run. Without settling in and giving some time, love and energy, how can I achieve what I am looking for? Deep connections and friendships do not happen so quickly. I feel so challenged by making a commitment anymore. So to stay in one place and let the atmosphere, people and experiences sink in makes me feel antsy…or more accurately: afraid. I realize I cannot continue being the bug on the pond skipping around on the surface and never going deep due to the constant movement.

Despite this restlessness/fear I have stuck around Arambol.

In fact, when I first arrived I committed to 3 weeks here so I could bring my room rate down. And that was so freaky for me. I was like, “woah, you mean I don’t have the freedom to bolt at a moment’s notice??” Normally I stay at my favorite spots in India for several weeks…but do so collectively, coming and going at a week or two at a time and returning. But the thought of sitting in one place for the duration has been overwhelming for me.

After two weeks, Sasha, Max and Morgan left the scene giving me that clean break from familiarity to be nudged out of my nest and fly. And all of a sudden I was in my FLOW. It was so sudden and abundant. I felt like crying from the blessings.

It began one day when a friend I have known here for several seasons who knows I love to take photos suggested I shoot promotional shots for a woman who is a fire dancer. I decided I needed a creative outlet and spent an afternoon with Miriam taking many shots amongst the rocks in my favorite spot in Arambol. It was as if this outing with Miriam broke a spell and suddenly my spirit clicked with the offerings around me. Friendships have blossomed and become loving and abundant and I feel a part instead of as a floating fly on the wall.

In this third week I have found my joy and see beauty everywhere around me. I am connecting with my tribe here, of whom, up until now I have been a spectator from the outside. But now we trade music and celebrate together in intimate environments of a collection of our tribe with my favorite music being played. This is so so sweet especially because music is so important to me and techno and trance just doesn’t cut it. In addition I am making connections I will have outside of the beautiful bubble of Arambol and onward.

Today I have made a decision to stay here for 2+ weeks more. First I had to drop my ego stance of having to keep moving and seeing as many places as possible. Now I will stay put and I can only anticipate the friendships will go deeper.

In the past year, both in India and in Portland, I have had several personality readings (of a variety types) where the message has been consistent and clear: This is the year I have to do some serious WORK on myself. If I want change and I want the deep relationships I desire I need to act NOW. I have been aware of this and thus far haven’t followed through. Now an opportunity has opened up with perfect timing and logistics. Tomorrow I begin a two week Great Freedom workshop where I will undergo some very deep analysis of myself with the goal of shifting my perspectives. Life at home is so abundant and wonderful yet I don’t always SEE it. Happiness and beauty is in the eye and heart and mind of each individual. I am looking forward to having the tools to apply this to my life at home.

The workshop begins tomorrow and will encompass every day from 10:30-6pm which makes me hesitant because the sun loving on the beach and the chai hopping will cease. However, it is MUCH more important to do this work and clear out the cobwebs and make clean my love of life and all its offerings.

And anyway, I can still boogie down at night :D

Photos thus far http://www.flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157612513700548/

My travel has begun

Pardon the mainstream comparison, but my journey began much like an episode of The Amazing Race. Without having left the Pacific Northwest I already understood that I was up for some challenges. Europe, and in particular France, was having a cold snap and was covered with ice and snow. My flight to Paris was delayed 3 hours and I only had an hour connection to continue to Mumbai. I was in a long queue of people making audibly loud sighs of frustration and instead of taking on this reaction for myself, since I had absolutely no control over the situation, I realized the unplanned flow that thrusts itself upon my travels had already begun.

But dammit, I was still going to try to make it work. My first flight arrived quickly to Paris and somehow gave me 10 minutes to get from one terminal on a shuttle to the gate of my next departure. I was literally running, my shoe broke and I wasn’t exactly sure where to go…and then just as I could see the light at the end of this snafu…there was an additional security check. AARGH! Reaching the gate finally, the doors were shut with the blinking sign “boarding closed”. The Hyderabadi woman who was just trailing me during this Amazing Race scenario arrived behind me at the customer service counter and after an initial feeling of defeat we high-fived each other. Because now we have a full 24 hours in Paris…plenty of time for croissants and wine. Sweet.

With a voucher for free accommodation, meals and wine in hand I walked through terminal and beamed alongside the sunny skies appearing through the terminal windows. How would I spend my full day I now have for sightseeing Paris!?

Then I walked outside of the terminal to the shuttle stop welcomed by a frigid breeze. Oh man oh man, it was freaking COLD. And all I had was clothing appropriate for India. So no Eiffel tower…no shopping in boutiques or sitting in a sidewalk café. Nope. It was straight to the hotel and get warm. And for that matter, get a nap…I hadn’t slept in what seemed like 2 days. Anyway, it was a cool thing to have happened. So what if I arrive to India one day later than I had expected? I was well rested and fed…and I got to experience “gay Paris” even if only through the venue of a suburban airport area hotel filled with other stranded travelers.

* * * * *

On my first sunset in Arambol I accepted the happiness, contentment and my relaxed state without guilt.

But wondered out loud how can a person deserve to feel so free and alive and happy?

The discontentment I get every year that slowly and imperceptibly accrues through my summer and autumn…and culminates at the holidays is gone.

I realize that I have issues with the holidays. I understand the best way to gain healing is to face a trigger situation head on. So I decided to stick around my home turf this season to see how I’d fare. Christmas is a time of family and gathering and reflecting on family. New Years Eve is the one where reflection lays upon the state of relationships overall…particularly with significant others. And that’s because of that stupid question of who you’re going to kiss at midnight. What ultimately turned out to be the biggest challenge of the reflections I faced was over New Years. Beyond the holidays though, the past month has been a chaotic swirl of emotions. Adding to my mix was my preparations for my winter overseas. I don’t mean what to pack and how to leave the details of my life…but more so the emotional preparation for my transition from my life in the USA to my winter in India. What this represents is putting lovely connections at home on hold from deepening friendships to a temporary status over the winter of occasional emails and me reminiscing fondly to myself over a chai and a sunset. And then the cherry on top is the unknown of what lays ahead in my journey that is adding into the mix some fear.

And, as usual, the moment I arrive I *know*…FEEL immediately that this is right. This life here offers a gift of relief from the depression I experience in my life in the USA. Don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing life at home. But there are societal expectations at home that are latent yet I am sensitive to. …and for some stupid reason I not only accept them but I let them dominate and restrict my impulses.

There’s something about how I feel at home that keeps a little voice alive that keeps this swirling this list of LIES in my conscious:

• Work work work…if not working and making money I do not deserve to be happy and stress free
  
• My professional success should be in the forefront of most life priorities
  
• Look at the state of our government and economy, it is horrible so I should generate negative energy into the situation
  
• I need to have the latest technology, phone and gadgets
• Relying on online networking will create and develop relationships better than ever before
  
• A person my age should be married with children
• It is unsafe to travel
• My lifestyle and choices are preventing me from what I desire
• ...etc etc etc

and so I question my path.

I am the same person in India as I am the USA.

Yet I do not have the same questioning of my life when I am in India.

When people at home ask me what it is that I “do” when I am India…

doing nothing but unraveling the affects and expectations of a stressful culture

Sasha arrived from Moscow two days after me and as soon as he got here we walked out to the beach and watch the sunset filled with people playing music, playing in the sand, spinning staff/poi/hula hoops, doing tai chi and slowly sauntering down the length of the rose colored beach…

and with tongue in cheek we said, “look at all the lazy people”

…all the happy, content and free people

2009 New Years Resolutions

to be fully present

to place my full energy into the current moment

to take deep breaths

to see

to feel

to act on impulses

to love

to hug

to share

to continue opening

to shine

to rise

to trust

to trust

to trust you

to trust myself

to trust love

to continue my faith in the path that lays before me

to trust this path