arriving to Delhi

I’m in Delhi now.
God, I love Delhi.
I mean, I got off the train at 10:30pm, its dark and most of the businesses are already closed as I walked down Pahar Ganj with my heavvvy backpack on…and still I am stoked to be here. There’s such good energy. All the travelers are in transit so there’s this anticipation of exits and arrivals looming. People are making eye contact. The Indians here know English well enough that we can sass each other in a playful way.
Is it me?
I think so. My trip to Pushkar made me realize that I had reached an emotional rut…I suppose I could call it. I’m just over halfway through with this India adventure and I was feeling like it was already over. And when I realized I thought this as I spoke it aloud to Anche I decided that I had to shake things up and shift my perspective. I know it’s all about me and not the place or the people. It is totally up to me to decide if I am going to have fun, if I’m going to meet people and if I am going to be happy. So I asked myself “DO you want to do these things…really?” Because if I do then put it into action. Ask for it and receive. So not that some big amazing freaky funny story happened that I can tell you now…but it was more like a project. I observed my reactions and opinions and feelings and realized that they didn’t match what I want (magic, happiness, friendship and love). I’m not able to snap my fingers and immediately change but at least I am more aware of what I am doing and how my actions and attitudes create my reality.

Leaving Pushkar temporarily is a great way to step outside and take another look at my patterns when in different surroundings. Not to mention an entirely different twist…
The reason I left to come to Delhi.
I’m here to pick up my friend and housemate, Luke, from the airport tomorrow.
Wow. This is a powerful new twist to traveling for me. The only other time I have traveled with a friend from home was my very first excursion in 2001 with an emotionally abusive boyfriend with whom I had a 3 year relationship. 3 months into that trip the relationship was over and I continued to travel by myself. And since then I have made 4 more journeys to India, each time alone. Choosing this escape to a foreign land where travelers come together from around the world and very few Americans.
I would never have chosen to give up my American Dream life to wander around India back then if I hadn’t been encouraged by my ex-bf. So despite the frequent heart crippling moments I shared with him, I still give him props for inspiring me and introducing me to this amazing country.
However, after we split I never traveled with anyone from home since. The only time I have ever traveled with friends was with the travelers from other countries that I met along the way.
The past few weeks I have been preparing myself for my worlds to collide: Portland and India. WOAH
I think this will be good for me! Not just because Luke is the bomb and I am stoked to have a pal to roam with for a bit…but also because I question sometimes if this dual life of splitting my year between India and Portland is emotionally un-grounding; disabling myself to create strong connections with either place. Somehow though it works for me. So when I begin to question this life I have, I stop myself and ask “but are you happy?”
And the answer is …mostly yes.

***
So anyway, I really am so … wow … picking … up …friend… from Portland…in Delhi…
What a TRIP!

Ha!
This will be so FUN to see India through his eyes, his first time. Cool
I’m really stoked because countless times while I’m over here in some freaking kick ass place I wonder “why don’t my friends come here????” Cuz I know y’all would love it!!
And now I can watch as a friend falls in love with this place too.

Goa to Rajasthan

I’m having, as of yesterday and even more today, a bit of a rough time. I am sure it has a lot to do with starting my month today and it being a new moon. sigh.
Anyway, I just got to Pushkar yesterday straight from Goa. Goa was fun and relaxing and some partying in there also.
And Pushkar is this town where I spent 1.5 months last year doing business...and the place I met silver two years ago. Actually every time I’ve been here I have some sort of romance develop.
Anyway, perhaps due to expectations from prior years' magic...I am feeling out of sorts. It’s only my 2nd day here and I keep telling myself to suck it up and be patient. But it feels empty here...and different.
And I’m not really interacting with anyone except my German friends from last year who are also back again.
And, par for the course, I am staying in yet another guesthouse with a young male person running it who is WAY too into my business. Just before coming to the internet cafe he came to my room and peeked his head into my curtain while I was lying in my bed. And I snapped and told him never to open my curtain. Dude...even before that I was thinking to move guesthouses. The one I want to move to is full though...I checked this afternoon.

I had a super weird evening one of my last nights in Goa. There was a party and people were really high…and it just got weird. Everything was weird. And in the end I made out+ with a guy who is now in my top 10 hottest guys I’ve ever made out with list…maybe even top 5. I can tell you the story sometime…it’s a good long one and perfect for over a drink. So let’s put it on the shelf until I get back. And if you’ve ever heard one of my recounted theatrical “weird Dwan sex stories”, it’s one of those.

I’m feeling really lonely right now!!!
I don’t like my guesthouse which is so weird because it was my home last year.
Everything’s different here this year. Wanh wanh wanh…mommy…
My German friends who are also here from last year travel with their kid who is 3.5 now. When he is bummed he cries a little bit and crawls on his mommy’s lap and she holds him and rubs his hair and he feels better.
I need that.

Goa http://www.flickr.com/photos/meredith415/sets/72157603964859908/